Airplane "Celebs"

So I sit down in my usual airplane aisle seat 2D, and this very hyper, skinny, rode-hard-put-away-wet woman starts throwing stuff over me into the window seat. She only hit me in the head a couple of times so it wasn't that big of a deal. Then she starts timing everything . When I looked at her, she leaned in conspiratorially and whispered, "when you get to be in our age category you can get things for free". First I was appalled that she thought I was in her age category, (she said she was 55)second I didn't really understand what she meant. She proceeds to tell me that she was in town for a dog and pony show. Asking her to expound was a big risk, but I had another 3 hours of sitting next to her and it seemed the polite thing to do. Turns out she was on a book tour of her photo collection. I took a sneaky undetected picture of her with my IPhone.

There's more:

During takeoff she starts a running commentary about what the pilot is doing and what all the parts of the plan were, etc., and sounding quite authoritative, then she starts freaking out because the flight attendants have not brought her wine. Or a blanket. Or a pillow. She jots all this down in a note book and then says "all this lack of service should be good for a free ticket" . OK, so now I get where she is going with all the timing and note taking.

There's more:

She FINALLY gets her wine and settles down with a DVD player, her own, which she does not have a clue how to operate The Rolling Stones Live in Concert DVD goes blasting throughout the cabin. I grab it and plug her head phones in the right jack and it is still so loud that I can hear everything through the headphones on her head. She tosses them off and starts trying to figure out the volume, people behind us are visibly irritated, the flight attendant comes over just as I get the volume turned down and gives me a dirty look. I really wanted to say "It wasn't me!!", but my hyper, slightly drunk seat mate is looking right at me and I am more scared of her than the flight attendant, so I just said (very quietly) "why don't you just not serve any more alcoholic drinks in this row???" The attendant leaves after finally getting the hint that I do not know this person sitting next to me. Who, just at that moment starts to sing loudly with the sound track and cry at the same time.


Then finally:


During the next crying lull, I ask if she is OK. I then am treated to stories about the Rolling Stones and how Keith Richards wife was the first person to every get her drunk, and how Mick Jagger used to call her apartment in the middle of the night, since her room mate was Jerri Hall, and how when she answered the phone and Jerri didn't want to talk, my seat mate would tell Mick to (*&^%***%#! off (she was very proud of this) and all about the tour parties, and on and on... Then I said something stupid. "Wasn't that a long time ago?" She starts crying again and now I am obligated to care take of her the rest of the flight My usual bury my head in a book strategy is not going to work.


She finally stops crying and tells me all about her Hobby Farm in Montana and that she was the last woman to be married to Steve McQueen and so got to keep the farm and all her book photos are of him and his last few years, and of course she used to be a super model. I looked her up on Google and this is her photo. Wow, I guess we better eat right and get a little exercise (oh and knock off the drugs)

"Celebs" I have accidently sat next to in planes, are Barbie Mintz (above), Joe Mantenga, Tom Skerrit, and a couple of big huge football players (they all look a like so I can't remember their names) who squished me into the corner.